The Difference Between Ego and Confidence

I have sat in the front row to work with congregations to provide evangelism training. Whether it is a mission church or an established church attempting to revamp their outreach activity, starting from scratch to build something requires a strong drive and a resilience to pick yourself up after disappointments happen over again.

Having the ability to discern confidence and ego can be a significant factor in sustaining gospel activity. If it is not properly addressed, it can serve to derail initial efforts to instill a mission-minded attitude for your congregation.

Steve Jobs, the renowned founder of Apple, was a unique individual. It was clear to everybody that he didn’t care about being liked while he built up an organization that required great innovation, energy, and imagination. One area that I greatly admired about him was his ability to take criticism. He was skilled at keeping his ego in check. That freed him up to confidently convey a vision and instill a drive within his company to boldly move forward.

What is the difference between ego and confidence in a gospel ministry?

Pastors and called servants have supreme confidence in the efficacy of the Word and sacraments. The divine call grants confidence that God’s hand has selected his servants to lead and shepherd at a designated location. Vision is a by-product of a passion for the gospel. Resilience to move forward resonates from a belief in the Word, your training, the divine call, and that God has granted you gifts and abilities to carry out the task. Confidence fuels passion and commitment to do difficult work and regularly sets aside time to do things that need to be done rather than what you like to do.

What gets in the way?  Our ego.

Fueled by self-interest, our ego seeks approval, accolades, and validation apart from Christ. Ego peeks its head above the clouds when we are resistant to feedback, closes our mind to new solutions and uninspired to learn new skills that keeps us from growing. Sadly, our ego can be annoying to those whom we serve and severely disrupt our ministry.

Interesting statistic: 40% of CEO’s fail within the first 18 months of employment. Another 30% don’t last three years.

What happens when egos get in the way of our ministry?

1. Not listening

We can be hypnotized by ourselves that restricts our ability to listen to others, especially if they have a different point of view. Soliciting advice from people we respect brings fresh ideas and perspectives.

2. Prioritizing yourself

This means infusing yourself over your ministry. This isn’t about doctrinal or scriptural teaching and preaching, but personal preferences in every aspect of ministry. Be cautious about smothering your church when your ministry has your fingerprints on everything. They say that a church takes on the personality of the pastor, but is that a good thing?

A lesson learned. I live in Boise and was born and raised in Seattle. This means that I am a Boise State and Seahawks fan that enjoys football. I made the mistake while traveling to be overly vocal about my preferences and wearing gear to support my preference. This didn’t win friends or influence people who lived outside the Pacific Northwest. Are your passion and preferences inadvertently annoying people? For the sake of the gospel, perhaps we can keep some of these within the confines of our home rather than the ministry.

3. Taking all the credit

Outwardly we deflect praise yet inwardly we crave it. This isn’t about how we verbally respond to praise and give glory to God, but how our heart truly responds when there is either praise or a lack of it.

Martin Luther quote:

“Young fellows are tempted by girls, men who are thirty years old are tempted by gold, when they are forty years old they are tempted by honor and glory, and those who are sixty years old say to themselves, “What a pious man I have become!”  Martin Luther   (Luther Works, v. 54, p. 158)

How can we keep our egos in check and instill confidence?

1. Delegate

It’s easy to do everything because you will know that everything will be done according to your idea of quality work.  Delegate, but delegate carefully.  This doesn’t mean we dump responsibilities on somebody else that you don’t like to do, then wash your hands in a bowl. Nor, ask a person to do a job and not give them the freedom to do the job the way they want.  Freedom builds trust, and most importantly, creates ownership.  Delegation is an exercise of confidence in yourself and with those whom you serve.

2. Quit comparing yourself to others.

Everything takes time. It’s so easy to look at others and be envious of their success.  They usually have what you seem to be lacking. When there seems to be a lack of visible success, it means that you are not good enough.  The key: we all define success differently.

Lesson learned: Celebrating small victories enables me to process disappointments. Write down on paper your definition of success and refer to it often.  Record achievements or “success” to reflect upon. The Lord delivers success most often in small ways that properly fuel our passion and confidence.  But our sinful mind (ego) tends to ignore what God provides by quickly moving on to the next project.

3. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

The gospel ministry doesn’t hinge upon you. Your successes and failures do not make you unique. There are others just like you.  So, share your experiences with others to process our ego, laugh about, and instill confidence. This doesn’t mean to “bring and brag” at circuit meetings but be willing to be transparent to share a healthy mix of joys and struggles. Be grateful for what you have. You are not alone. And it’s going to be okay.